4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
