my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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