No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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