is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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