K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
