did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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