Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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