My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
