"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
