R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize