so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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