I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
