just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
