Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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