apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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