how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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