My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
