I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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