Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
