We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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