I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There r osticjed everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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