i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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