im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My ATM looks so different sober.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
