I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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