Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
