Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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