Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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