It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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