talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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