How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
