I'd wear matching sweaters with you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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