my vag is so smooth its legendary
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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