i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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