I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
