i need an iv and a liver transplant
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
