I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
