Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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