Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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