dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
