THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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