my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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