i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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