hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
