Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My balls are so social today.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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