How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize