I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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