i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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