you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
