Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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