bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
