Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
