ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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