Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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