rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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