if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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