32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
