Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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