If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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