that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
