yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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