we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
