I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why do cheetos always look like penises
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
