Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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