I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
