if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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