It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
