so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
