Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
