i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
