if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
