My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize