I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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