the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
