3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
