____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He passed out mid-signature
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
