My first STD was from a foam party
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
