you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
