Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
