You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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