Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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