'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
